What Each Love Language Looks Like in Real Life (From a Therapist’s Lens)
Written by : Angelica Kenworthy
As a therapist, I often see couples and individuals wrestling with one major question: Why doesn’t love feel the way I think it should?
Often, the answer lies in the way we provide and receive love. Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of the five love languages is much more than just a trendy relationship tool—it’s a robust lens to understand how people feel seen, valued, and safe. So let’s break them down into what they honestly look like in real life.
1. Words of Affirmation
Love can sound like:
“Your happiness matters so much to me”
“I am so proud of you for doing such a challenging thing”
Checking in with texts throughout the day: “How did that meeting go?” or “I can’t wait to hang out with you later”
For someone with this love language, kind words make a huge difference. Critique or silence can sting more than intended. A sticky note on the fridge or a quick positive acknowledgment before bed can be the emotional equivalent of a warm hug.
2. Acts of Service
Love can look like:
Picking you up in the car after a long day so you don’t have to use public transportation
Taking initiative to book/plan something you haven’t had the time to
Bringing you coffee in bed
3. Receiving Gifts
Love can feel like:
Surprising you with your favorite snack
Framing a memorable photograph for you
Buying you a book based on your favorite movie
It isn’t about materialism. It’s about consideration. A small, meaningful token says: “I was thinking of you, and I know what matters to you.”
4. Quality Time
Love can look like:
A commitment to spending the first 10 minutes of the morning enjoying your coffee together
Regular date nights
Limiting phone distractions when you’re spending time with each other
Distractions can lead to a feeling of disconnection. Presence—real, undivided, intentional presence—is what fills their emotional cup.
5. Physical Touch
Love can feel like:
Asking them if they need a hug after a hard week
Holding hands on the street
Expressing sexual desire through small gestures of intimacy: a gentle kiss on their neck, a flirty whisper in their ear, etc
Touch, for people who have this love language, is grounding. It doesn’t always need to be sexual—but it does need to be intentional. A simple physical act can communicate volumes.
Finishing Thoughts
We don’t always love in the same way we desire to be loved—and that’s okay. Learning each other’s love language isn’t about perfection, but about effort. When we tune into the way someone receives care—not just how we give it—we open up space for deeper, more secure connection.
Which love language resonates most with you?
Therapy Services We offer in NYC
At our therapy practice located in New York, our compassionate therapists provide an array of services to cater to diverse needs. In addition to helping with therapy for men, our counseling offerings include couples counseling, counseling for relationships and dating, support for postpartum depression, anxiety management, depression counseling, assistance with life transitions, and enhancing self-esteem.
